Her Guilt by Kelly Robucci

Her Guilt
Illustration by Sydney Varajon

August marks 2 years
of a woman who bore 2 children
One living
One dead
A woman
who experienced 3 pregnancies
6 years ago
1.5 years ago
1 year ago
A mother’s guilt for her one child’s wish for a brother or sister
A mother’s guilt for her inability to make this happen
A woman’s guilt for her shortcomings to yield her own buried desire of a healthy child
of bearing this guilt in silence and thinking
… feeling…
alone
like she’s the only one suffering

A woman’s guilt of being a statistic
1: 15,700 children are diagnosed with MCADD
1: 10,000 children die from anencephaly
1: 20,000 pregnancies end in stillbirths
1: 500,000 pregnancies end in a first trimester miscarriage
1: 10 struggle with infertility

August marks 2 years
and this woman’s guilt, though heavy, will not hold her down,
Or keep her quiet
She’ll begin to share her story
She’ll begin to talk about the son she lost
She’ll begin to heal
She’ll begin to own her truth

Because she knows and stands in her guilt
as a mother, as a woman
For it does not define her or her story

 

IMG_20180109_194043Kelly Robucci is a mom, a wife, a working woman, an educator, an avid reader, a novice writer, and lover of Thai food and wine.

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